What is the meaning of marriage?
Marriage is the union of body, mind and soul of one man and one woman. The couple will keep each other company and live together for the rest of their lives. They will try to solve problems together, and share all their happiness and sadness in life. They will work together for a better future.
Marriage is an intimate legal relationship and it helps to extend the family. Furthermore, marriage couples might choose to have children if they wish.
Harmonious marriage relationship will give both partners a sense of satisfaction and achievement. In addition, healthy marriages also provide a strong and stable environment for raising children.
Tips:
For a successful marriage, both partners need to be psychologically mature and they should have a good understanding of each other before the marriage. In addition, they should be financially secure and should have long term plan for the family.
2. How much do you understand each other?
Prior to entering marriage, it is important that both partners have a good understanding of the other. Besides learning to appreciate your partner’s strengths and achievements, it is more important to learn to accept his/her weaknesses and this could help to avoid disappointment and conflicts in the future.
Tips:
It is important that couples should learn to communicate with each other. They should both learn to stay calm and be objective in discussing and solving problems.
3. Can you get along well with your spouse’s family and friends?
Besides learning how to get along well with your spouse, it is equally important to establish a good relationship with your spouse’s family and friends.
Tips:
It is important for you to accept your spouse’s family and friends and to join their gatherings. This could enrich your marital life and widen both your social circles.
4. Can I be a good husband or wife after the marriage?
Nowadays, both men and women usually have a number of roles and responsibilities in life. Therefore, it is not uncommon that individual might have different expectations about the role of their partners after the marriage. Hence, it is important to discuss about the roles and responsibilities of each partner in the family before the marriage. Depending on time, ability and interest of each partner, it is important to share the work in the family. Careful planning and discussion could avoid unnecessary conflicts in the future.
Tips:
It is important for couples to share the workload and responsibilities in the family.
5. How should I handle the expenses in the family?
A reasonable and flexible financial budget plan is essential to each family. Before the marriage, it is important to discuss about the future expenses in the family. Work out a financial budget plan that both of you agreed and the expenditure in the family should be affordable.
Tips:
Before the marriage, it is important to discuss with your partner about the future financial plan and this could help to avoid future conflicts related to money. Furthermore, it could also help you to understand each other’s attitudes and values about finances.
6. Will I have my own social life after the marriage?
We are born to be with people. Social life is an essential part of our daily lives. Therefore, it is important to maintain your social life after your marriage.
Tips:
Introduce your friends to your spouse and maintain social contacts with them as a couple after the marriage. This could help to reduce conflicts related to time management. Furthermore, this could also help to widen both your social circles and enhance your relationship with your partner.
7. Is it necessary to have a pre-marital health check?
For the health of both of you and your children, it is important to have a pre-marital health check. Early treatment and intervention are possible if diseases are detected at its asymptomatic stage.
Tips:
To have a pre-marital health check
If there is any genetic abnormality in the family, it is important to seek medical advice on having children. However, this should not affect the decision of getting married.
8. I know nothing about sex, how could we coordinate our sex life?
Sex is a basic need for each individual. Furthermore, it is one of the closest ways which you could express your love. A harmonious sexual life means that each partner could appreciate and satisfy the other’s sexual need. This will rely on continuous learning and practicing after the marriage.
Tips:
Sharing and discussing about your view on sex with your partner before the marriage.
Learn more about sex such as the physical differences between a man and a woman, so that you could learn to appreciate and care more about your partner.
9. What’s the best time to have a baby after the marriage?
Each of you might have different views about having children, and these include the timing of having children, the number of children you desired and any preference on the sex of the child. Careful planning and discussion about these issues before the marriage could help to set the stage for a harmonious family.
Tips:
Discuss with your partner about family planning before the marriage.
Learn more about contraception from the medical professionals and discuss with them about which method is the most suited for you and your partner.
Good preparation leads to a happy and successful marriage.
Monday, August 17, 2009
THINGS YOU MUST UNDERSTAND ABOUT MARRIAGE AND HOW IT WORKS
Firstly how do you access the term marriage?
Marriage life is very different from your single life, marriage is another world on its own, and that features only you and your partner for ever, couples have to start seeing their spouses as their physical conscience, they’re certain characters about you, that you have to drop when you get married, marriage is not a bed of roses every couple can testify to that, but in every circumstance the foundation usually determines the rage. The foundation you lay down from the beginning of your marriage when you got back from your honeymoon determines the success your marriage will achieve. Always remember that as you lay your bed so you will lie on it, marriage starts after the honeymoon is over and to some couples it starts that very night during the honeymoon, that’s when some couples will start asking themselves questions. Is this the man I fell in love with, is she the lady I married, the person I have been dating for all this years, here is one secret about life, you can never know the worse part of a person you are dating, except you get to live with them day after day, which you will not even fine out because they will always protect and hide that negative character that they know you might not like if you get to see it, all this characters are the things that you will be discovering, then you will start asking yourself what went wrong, where did you go wrong? That’s where couples have to remember the oath, for better for worse. You must understand that it is not your fault that he/she is the way they are, that’s the challenge marriage entails. You have seen the better side of life with that person that’s why you feel in love with him/her, now ask yourself this question, now put this two things together, if you were told to compare between the good times and the bad times you have had with that person which do you think is more than the other, for if people were to know other’s worse just like they are knowing their better side, marriage won’t be existing. God has seen from the beginning that it is good you make those pledges before going into that commitment, that the person is good today does not guarantee that he/she will be the same tomorrow, and likewise in finances. I mentioned before in my other article title: what to do with an infidelity partner, that marriage is a life contract, which even death can not separate. Anything that God does not approve is not able to last. Always remember that marriage was ordained by God almighty.
HOW TO LAY A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
These steps will help you after getting married, but read my article on things you must do before getting married, to be able to lay foundations before building the marriage.
1. Seek help early
Many couples will wait for as long as possible, hoping things will change, it is a problem that will not go until you do something, and the worse part is the longer it stays the worse it gets.
2. Caution yourself
Couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest, you can tell your partner about what they did that you didn’t like, in a peaceful way, create an atmosphere just for that, a perfect condition, the aim is to deliver what’s bothering you.
3. Be careful how you "start up" a conversation. Arguments.
Some spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a dramatic, or angry or upsetting remark in a confrontational tone.
4. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," a husband who replies "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them," is a guy in a shaky marriage.
A husband's ability to be persuaded by his wife is so critical because, research shows, women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband is able to do so as well.
5. Happy couples had high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
6. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: gossiping about other people together (very useful); changing the topic to something completely unrelated; throwing in some humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win; and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for...")
7. Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, couples make five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship ("We laugh a lot" as opposed to "We never have fun") than negative ones. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.
8. Always show appreciation for every little thing your spouse does, and says, it brings a sense of respect and honey on your part.
Marriage is a life time commitment, to many it is their worse nightmare, but to some it is the most wonderful experience that they never want to see it end. How do you want yours to be, the foundation you lay will decide for you.
Marriage life is very different from your single life, marriage is another world on its own, and that features only you and your partner for ever, couples have to start seeing their spouses as their physical conscience, they’re certain characters about you, that you have to drop when you get married, marriage is not a bed of roses every couple can testify to that, but in every circumstance the foundation usually determines the rage. The foundation you lay down from the beginning of your marriage when you got back from your honeymoon determines the success your marriage will achieve. Always remember that as you lay your bed so you will lie on it, marriage starts after the honeymoon is over and to some couples it starts that very night during the honeymoon, that’s when some couples will start asking themselves questions. Is this the man I fell in love with, is she the lady I married, the person I have been dating for all this years, here is one secret about life, you can never know the worse part of a person you are dating, except you get to live with them day after day, which you will not even fine out because they will always protect and hide that negative character that they know you might not like if you get to see it, all this characters are the things that you will be discovering, then you will start asking yourself what went wrong, where did you go wrong? That’s where couples have to remember the oath, for better for worse. You must understand that it is not your fault that he/she is the way they are, that’s the challenge marriage entails. You have seen the better side of life with that person that’s why you feel in love with him/her, now ask yourself this question, now put this two things together, if you were told to compare between the good times and the bad times you have had with that person which do you think is more than the other, for if people were to know other’s worse just like they are knowing their better side, marriage won’t be existing. God has seen from the beginning that it is good you make those pledges before going into that commitment, that the person is good today does not guarantee that he/she will be the same tomorrow, and likewise in finances. I mentioned before in my other article title: what to do with an infidelity partner, that marriage is a life contract, which even death can not separate. Anything that God does not approve is not able to last. Always remember that marriage was ordained by God almighty.
HOW TO LAY A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
These steps will help you after getting married, but read my article on things you must do before getting married, to be able to lay foundations before building the marriage.
1. Seek help early
Many couples will wait for as long as possible, hoping things will change, it is a problem that will not go until you do something, and the worse part is the longer it stays the worse it gets.
2. Caution yourself
Couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest, you can tell your partner about what they did that you didn’t like, in a peaceful way, create an atmosphere just for that, a perfect condition, the aim is to deliver what’s bothering you.
3. Be careful how you "start up" a conversation. Arguments.
Some spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a dramatic, or angry or upsetting remark in a confrontational tone.
4. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," a husband who replies "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them," is a guy in a shaky marriage.
A husband's ability to be persuaded by his wife is so critical because, research shows, women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband is able to do so as well.
5. Happy couples had high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
6. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: gossiping about other people together (very useful); changing the topic to something completely unrelated; throwing in some humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win; and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for...")
7. Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, couples make five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship ("We laugh a lot" as opposed to "We never have fun") than negative ones. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.
8. Always show appreciation for every little thing your spouse does, and says, it brings a sense of respect and honey on your part.
Marriage is a life time commitment, to many it is their worse nightmare, but to some it is the most wonderful experience that they never want to see it end. How do you want yours to be, the foundation you lay will decide for you.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
WHAT TO DO WITH AN INFIDELITY PARTNER
First of all how do people see infidelity in the society, let us ask you a question. If you were in business with a partner, and you discovered your partner was stealing money from the company, would you ever trust him/her again? That is what infidelity is like…being in business with an embezzler.
In everything that exist between two people the must be trust, without that then such a thing can’t result to something profitable regardless of what it is. But let’s face partnership in marriage, the famous saying once a thief always a thief, remains the same in this topic, once a cheat always will be a cheat, marriage, relationship is an agreement between two people and as such one party is not allowed to go contrary to without the approval of the other. In an ordinary relationship that exist between two people, and one person happens to cheat on the other, the hurt and heart break won’t be that much, in fact the victim being cheated on, will see it as an open eye, away for him/her to realize the kind of person they are dating, or were involved with. But in the case of marriage, the consequences are always of greater damage, because it can lead to lots of things, separations, hurt, and lots of family crises. And this is always because the partners involve fail to realize that infidelity attacks the essence of their desires and would deprive them of what is rightfully theirs. You can’t chance an infidelity partner that is one thing you must always know, because once they know that you know, it’s like a blind folding material has just been taken off their eyes and they can see their sins, if you have ever been caught doing something wrong, caught red handed I mean, that sudden feeling of quilt is what am talking about, you can do and say anything to get yourself out of that situation but that doesn’t mean if faced with the same situation you won’t do it again, only that next time the person will be more careful, marriage is an agreement and a commitment as such there will always be challenges and temptations, that’s why the saying for better and worse is always applied.
A partner that does not respect the feeling of the other does not deserve such a person, Forbidden sex is an addiction that can and usually does have devastating consequences to an individual and a family. Once your partner has cheated on you, he/she will always cheat on you that’s one thing you have to know, its either you end the relationship, if you feel you can not continue or bear getting hurt, because you will definitely be hurt over and over again, but if you feel you can bear the pain, faith always pays better but the consequences of infidelity is always more than the cause, you have to realize that whatever it is that made him/her start thinking of cheating on you will always be there, and once he/she start feeling the pleasure of freedom in a marriage, such a marriage is just on its way to disaster .
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE CHEATED ON
There are two things to do when you are cheated on.
1) End the relationship
2) Keep faith and continue
If you realize that your partner is cheating, I would advice you end such a relationship if there are no solid commitment made, but in case of marriage, I would advice, you try talking with the person, because that you have found out, is the one you know, talk less of those you do not know about. If after many times of talking to him/her you still see the symptoms of that infidelity in that partner, because he/she will always try to be more careful next time, it is sure that the feeling for you is still there, but his/her pleasure lies in another’s arms, you must know that the feeling of infidelity in a marriage is like, a person that was only allowed to watch just one television channel, and suddenly he/she sees a secret ways they can be going to watch other television stations, and they seem to be watching lots of interesting things on those stations, because in that world there are no restrictions, they can change to any stations they feel is or will be interesting to them, the assurance is there that they will always go back there, because they feel you as a single channel is boring and they are being deprive of their freedom, that’s the feeling infidelity brings to them, and that’s why some times they can get really violent on you, if you attempt to talk to them, and they will always be seeing you as an obstacle in their part.
CONSEQUENCES OF INFIDELITY IN A MARRIAGE
Having an extramarital affair can have some hefty consequences in your relationship. Here are a few of the consequences of infidelity:
Adultery shatters trust, intimacy, and self-esteem.
It breaks up families
Ruins careers
Infidelity leaves a trail of pain and destruction in its path.
Even when affairs are never exposed, emotional costs are involved. Mates deprive their spouses of energy and intimacy that should go into the marriage.
Infidelity makes them to deceive their marriage partners and become dishonest about their feelings and actions towards them, infidelity is not in the sex, necessarily, but in the secrecy. It isn't whom you lie with. It's whom you lie to. Infidelity ruins lives.
In everything that exist between two people the must be trust, without that then such a thing can’t result to something profitable regardless of what it is. But let’s face partnership in marriage, the famous saying once a thief always a thief, remains the same in this topic, once a cheat always will be a cheat, marriage, relationship is an agreement between two people and as such one party is not allowed to go contrary to without the approval of the other. In an ordinary relationship that exist between two people, and one person happens to cheat on the other, the hurt and heart break won’t be that much, in fact the victim being cheated on, will see it as an open eye, away for him/her to realize the kind of person they are dating, or were involved with. But in the case of marriage, the consequences are always of greater damage, because it can lead to lots of things, separations, hurt, and lots of family crises. And this is always because the partners involve fail to realize that infidelity attacks the essence of their desires and would deprive them of what is rightfully theirs. You can’t chance an infidelity partner that is one thing you must always know, because once they know that you know, it’s like a blind folding material has just been taken off their eyes and they can see their sins, if you have ever been caught doing something wrong, caught red handed I mean, that sudden feeling of quilt is what am talking about, you can do and say anything to get yourself out of that situation but that doesn’t mean if faced with the same situation you won’t do it again, only that next time the person will be more careful, marriage is an agreement and a commitment as such there will always be challenges and temptations, that’s why the saying for better and worse is always applied.
A partner that does not respect the feeling of the other does not deserve such a person, Forbidden sex is an addiction that can and usually does have devastating consequences to an individual and a family. Once your partner has cheated on you, he/she will always cheat on you that’s one thing you have to know, its either you end the relationship, if you feel you can not continue or bear getting hurt, because you will definitely be hurt over and over again, but if you feel you can bear the pain, faith always pays better but the consequences of infidelity is always more than the cause, you have to realize that whatever it is that made him/her start thinking of cheating on you will always be there, and once he/she start feeling the pleasure of freedom in a marriage, such a marriage is just on its way to disaster .
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE CHEATED ON
There are two things to do when you are cheated on.
1) End the relationship
2) Keep faith and continue
If you realize that your partner is cheating, I would advice you end such a relationship if there are no solid commitment made, but in case of marriage, I would advice, you try talking with the person, because that you have found out, is the one you know, talk less of those you do not know about. If after many times of talking to him/her you still see the symptoms of that infidelity in that partner, because he/she will always try to be more careful next time, it is sure that the feeling for you is still there, but his/her pleasure lies in another’s arms, you must know that the feeling of infidelity in a marriage is like, a person that was only allowed to watch just one television channel, and suddenly he/she sees a secret ways they can be going to watch other television stations, and they seem to be watching lots of interesting things on those stations, because in that world there are no restrictions, they can change to any stations they feel is or will be interesting to them, the assurance is there that they will always go back there, because they feel you as a single channel is boring and they are being deprive of their freedom, that’s the feeling infidelity brings to them, and that’s why some times they can get really violent on you, if you attempt to talk to them, and they will always be seeing you as an obstacle in their part.
CONSEQUENCES OF INFIDELITY IN A MARRIAGE
Having an extramarital affair can have some hefty consequences in your relationship. Here are a few of the consequences of infidelity:
Adultery shatters trust, intimacy, and self-esteem.
It breaks up families
Ruins careers
Infidelity leaves a trail of pain and destruction in its path.
Even when affairs are never exposed, emotional costs are involved. Mates deprive their spouses of energy and intimacy that should go into the marriage.
Infidelity makes them to deceive their marriage partners and become dishonest about their feelings and actions towards them, infidelity is not in the sex, necessarily, but in the secrecy. It isn't whom you lie with. It's whom you lie to. Infidelity ruins lives.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
REASON’S WHY AFRICAN MARRIAGES LAST LONGER THAN OTHER CONTINENTS
REASON’S WHY AFRICAN MARRIAGES LAST LONGER THAN OTHER CONTINENTS
Marriage is a life time commitment between two people but many people these days do not get married because they want to stay married, but because they just want to be known as they were ones married.
In Africa today especially Nigeria, Nigeria is a country were certain laws and human rights are not practiced and enforced, which in two ways benefits the citizens positively and negatively, the following are reason’s African marriages last longer than other continent.
1) When an African man gets married to a woman he doesn’t just married only the bride but her entire family.
2) When a man shows his mother his bride to be, the groom’s family takes a secret investigations and would trace back to the brides family’s history, to know if she’s good enough for their son, which gives the woman and the man involved a sense of permanency
3) Africa’s do not just marry based on emotional instincts alone.
African weddings are a family affair and involve the combining of two lives, two families, and sometimes even two communities! There are many different wedding traditions in the African continent and no two are exactly alike. However, in all the communities the bride plays a very special role and is treated with huge respect because she is a link between the families, unborn and the ancestors. A bride might eventually bear a very powerful child, so she is treated with respect. In some areas of East Africa the groom’s family would even move to the bride’s village to perform the first step of the marriage, the traditional marriage.
There are many steps that take place before marriage starting at a very young age where training takes place in how to be a suitable partner. Girls will many times go to circumcision schools where women teach them what is involved in marriage, and in some ethnic groups even learn secret codes and languages so that they can communicate with other married women.
Africans takes marriages to be very important, there’re different types of marriages that are performed in different regions in Africa, especially in Nigeria, that is made of 36 states and different dialects, every of this states and dialects have their own custom and traditions that must be performed before a bride is given away, there’re lots of bills involved that a groom will pay as well as the bride’s price, all this contributes to making the woman totally committed to the man, African see their grooms as the only one for them, and divorce is the last thing that ever takes place in an African marriage, a married African woman thinks it not totally possible that she can be remarried if she is said to be divorced, however due to the current circumstance in Nigeria as a country, looking at the human rights, and the right of a woman in her husbands house, in Africa a woman does not know her rights and freedom as a woman either married or single.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN AN AFRICAN WOMAN AND OTHER CONTINENTS
In other developed countries women are fully aware of their rights and freedom as a woman either if she’s married or not, and they never fail to put it to practice when it matters, and in other continents people marry based on emotional instincts alone, which is not enough reason for two people together, but an average African woman is not aware of her rights as a woman or as a married woman, regardless of what her husband will do, all she seems to think and care about is her marriage, her marriage is always the first thing that comes up to her mind, the sense of freedom is not what an African woman wants to get, in other continents a woman does not tolerate her husband enough as she should, because they always fail to remember the fact that marriage is a life time commitment and its for the better and for worse. An African woman feels so insecure when ever a matter arises between her and her husband she quickly submits to him, in some cases the man would even want to throw her out of his house but she will fight her way back, in as much as he would love to get her out of his life, the word divorce is never mentioned, not because they wouldn’t want to get divorce if it came to it, but because they are not use to being divorce, in most cases the men are always the reason for the fight.
In Africa lots of tradition and customs are practiced and divorce are done in other ways, whereby the angry groom will take the wife back to her people and will leave her there, and would take a second wife, but she will still be married to him, not because she doesn’t want her freedom but because she doesn’t feel she can be able to get another life, but with time they will make amendment and resolve their differences, lots of children in Africa are not brought up to see their parent divorce one another, because they always refer to the life’s of their forefathers, a man that takes his wife to her people knows that the both families will not agree to that sort of development between their children, whose parent are still living together.
Imagine a situation whereby it is impossible to remove your marriage ring from your finger, that means for as many men as a woman is married and divorce to, will easily be known, marriage is a respectful commitment ordained by god himself and as such it should be respected, in case people are not aware it is a sin to divorce your partner, you should know that if your partner is not the way he/she is, one of you will not value the other, a couple that divorces each other is a dishonest person, because before they got married they both agreed before God and man that they will be there for each other, for better and worse, its not just a word, this is one of the reason Africa will never have the problem of divorce because it takes a lot before a man can be joined with a woman, and a average Africa man does not want to see himself divorcing his wife, due to the amount of money he spent on marrying her, he first carries her to her parents, so he would go back and get her when he is calm.
People really need to understand that marriage is a life time contract between a man and a woman, and in an ordinary contract the second party can pull out, if he/she wills, but in a marriage contract it is sealed for ever till one party is dead, that’s what life commitment entails, it just so unfortunate that many people getting into marriage these days do not understand this terms and conditions, that’s why may couples will never fine happiness if they are engaging in the business of divorcing their partners, because whatever the reason is that makes two couples decide to separate is their challenge, which they must over come to have a successful marriage and stay married. So do not run from your challenges stay and fight, stay and stay married, marriage is not a bed of roses, you can never know all about your partner, we discover different things about people everyday, so don’t get discourage by what you are seeing in him/her today, make the best out of that situation and he/she will value you. Staying married is living in another world, away from the outside world.
Marriage is a life time commitment between two people but many people these days do not get married because they want to stay married, but because they just want to be known as they were ones married.
In Africa today especially Nigeria, Nigeria is a country were certain laws and human rights are not practiced and enforced, which in two ways benefits the citizens positively and negatively, the following are reason’s African marriages last longer than other continent.
1) When an African man gets married to a woman he doesn’t just married only the bride but her entire family.
2) When a man shows his mother his bride to be, the groom’s family takes a secret investigations and would trace back to the brides family’s history, to know if she’s good enough for their son, which gives the woman and the man involved a sense of permanency
3) Africa’s do not just marry based on emotional instincts alone.
African weddings are a family affair and involve the combining of two lives, two families, and sometimes even two communities! There are many different wedding traditions in the African continent and no two are exactly alike. However, in all the communities the bride plays a very special role and is treated with huge respect because she is a link between the families, unborn and the ancestors. A bride might eventually bear a very powerful child, so she is treated with respect. In some areas of East Africa the groom’s family would even move to the bride’s village to perform the first step of the marriage, the traditional marriage.
There are many steps that take place before marriage starting at a very young age where training takes place in how to be a suitable partner. Girls will many times go to circumcision schools where women teach them what is involved in marriage, and in some ethnic groups even learn secret codes and languages so that they can communicate with other married women.
Africans takes marriages to be very important, there’re different types of marriages that are performed in different regions in Africa, especially in Nigeria, that is made of 36 states and different dialects, every of this states and dialects have their own custom and traditions that must be performed before a bride is given away, there’re lots of bills involved that a groom will pay as well as the bride’s price, all this contributes to making the woman totally committed to the man, African see their grooms as the only one for them, and divorce is the last thing that ever takes place in an African marriage, a married African woman thinks it not totally possible that she can be remarried if she is said to be divorced, however due to the current circumstance in Nigeria as a country, looking at the human rights, and the right of a woman in her husbands house, in Africa a woman does not know her rights and freedom as a woman either married or single.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN AN AFRICAN WOMAN AND OTHER CONTINENTS
In other developed countries women are fully aware of their rights and freedom as a woman either if she’s married or not, and they never fail to put it to practice when it matters, and in other continents people marry based on emotional instincts alone, which is not enough reason for two people together, but an average African woman is not aware of her rights as a woman or as a married woman, regardless of what her husband will do, all she seems to think and care about is her marriage, her marriage is always the first thing that comes up to her mind, the sense of freedom is not what an African woman wants to get, in other continents a woman does not tolerate her husband enough as she should, because they always fail to remember the fact that marriage is a life time commitment and its for the better and for worse. An African woman feels so insecure when ever a matter arises between her and her husband she quickly submits to him, in some cases the man would even want to throw her out of his house but she will fight her way back, in as much as he would love to get her out of his life, the word divorce is never mentioned, not because they wouldn’t want to get divorce if it came to it, but because they are not use to being divorce, in most cases the men are always the reason for the fight.
In Africa lots of tradition and customs are practiced and divorce are done in other ways, whereby the angry groom will take the wife back to her people and will leave her there, and would take a second wife, but she will still be married to him, not because she doesn’t want her freedom but because she doesn’t feel she can be able to get another life, but with time they will make amendment and resolve their differences, lots of children in Africa are not brought up to see their parent divorce one another, because they always refer to the life’s of their forefathers, a man that takes his wife to her people knows that the both families will not agree to that sort of development between their children, whose parent are still living together.
Imagine a situation whereby it is impossible to remove your marriage ring from your finger, that means for as many men as a woman is married and divorce to, will easily be known, marriage is a respectful commitment ordained by god himself and as such it should be respected, in case people are not aware it is a sin to divorce your partner, you should know that if your partner is not the way he/she is, one of you will not value the other, a couple that divorces each other is a dishonest person, because before they got married they both agreed before God and man that they will be there for each other, for better and worse, its not just a word, this is one of the reason Africa will never have the problem of divorce because it takes a lot before a man can be joined with a woman, and a average Africa man does not want to see himself divorcing his wife, due to the amount of money he spent on marrying her, he first carries her to her parents, so he would go back and get her when he is calm.
People really need to understand that marriage is a life time contract between a man and a woman, and in an ordinary contract the second party can pull out, if he/she wills, but in a marriage contract it is sealed for ever till one party is dead, that’s what life commitment entails, it just so unfortunate that many people getting into marriage these days do not understand this terms and conditions, that’s why may couples will never fine happiness if they are engaging in the business of divorcing their partners, because whatever the reason is that makes two couples decide to separate is their challenge, which they must over come to have a successful marriage and stay married. So do not run from your challenges stay and fight, stay and stay married, marriage is not a bed of roses, you can never know all about your partner, we discover different things about people everyday, so don’t get discourage by what you are seeing in him/her today, make the best out of that situation and he/she will value you. Staying married is living in another world, away from the outside world.
REASON’S WHY AFRICAN MARRIAGES LAST LONGER THAN OTHER CONTINENTS
REASON’S WHY AFRICAN MARRIAGES LAST LONGER THAN OTHER CONTINENTS
Marriage is a life time commitment between two people but many people these days do not get married because they want to stay married, but because they just want to be known as they were ones married.
In Africa today especially Nigeria, Nigeria is a country were certain laws and human rights are not practiced and enforced, which in two ways benefits the citizens positively and negatively, the following are reason’s African marriages last longer than other continent.
1) When an African man gets married to a woman he doesn’t just married only the bride but her entire family.
2) When a man shows his mother his bride to be, the groom’s family takes a secret investigations and would trace back to the brides family’s history, to know if she’s good enough for their son, which gives the woman and the man involved a sense of permanency
3) Africa’s do not just marry based on emotional instincts alone.
African weddings are a family affair and involve the combining of two lives, two families, and sometimes even two communities! There are many different wedding traditions in the African continent and no two are exactly alike. However, in all the communities the bride plays a very special role and is treated with huge respect because she is a link between the families, unborn and the ancestors. A bride might eventually bear a very powerful child, so she is treated with respect. In some areas of East Africa the groom’s family would even move to the bride’s village to perform the first step of the marriage, the traditional marriage.
There are many steps that take place before marriage starting at a very young age where training takes place in how to be a suitable partner. Girls will many times go to circumcision schools where women teach them what is involved in marriage, and in some ethnic groups even learn secret codes and languages so that they can communicate with other married women.
Africans takes marriages to be very important, there’re different types of marriages that are performed in different regions in Africa, especially in Nigeria, that is made of 36 states and different dialects, every of this states and dialects have their own custom and traditions that must be performed before a bride is given away, there’re lots of bills involved that a groom will pay as well as the bride’s price, all this contributes to making the woman totally committed to the man, African see their grooms as the only one for them, and divorce is the last thing that ever takes place in an African marriage, a married African woman thinks it not totally possible that she can be remarried if she is said to be divorced, however due to the current circumstance in Nigeria as a country, looking at the human rights, and the right of a woman in her husbands house, in Africa a woman does not know her rights and freedom as a woman either married or single.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN AN AFRICAN WOMAN AND OTHER CONTINENTS
In other developed countries women are fully aware of their rights and freedom as a woman either if she’s married or not, and they never fail to put it to practice when it matters, and in other continents people marry based on emotional instincts alone, which is not enough reason for two people together, but an average African woman is not aware of her rights as a woman or as a married woman, regardless of what her husband will do, all she seems to think and care about is her marriage, her marriage is always the first thing that comes up to her mind, the sense of freedom is not what an African woman wants to get, in other continents a woman does not tolerate her husband enough as she should, because they always fail to remember the fact that marriage is a life time commitment and its for the better and for worse. An African woman feels so insecure when ever a matter arises between her and her husband she quickly submits to him, in some cases the man would even want to throw her out of his house but she will fight her way back, in as much as he would love to get her out of his life, the word divorce is never mentioned, not because they wouldn’t want to get divorce if it came to it, but because they are not use to being divorce, in most cases the men are always the reason for the fight.
In Africa lots of tradition and customs are practiced and divorce are done in other ways, whereby the angry groom will take the wife back to her people and will leave her there, and would take a second wife, but she will still be married to him, not because she doesn’t want her freedom but because she doesn’t feel she can be able to get another life, but with time they will make amendment and resolve their differences, lots of children in Africa are not brought up to see their parent divorce one another, because they always refer to the life’s of their forefathers, a man that takes his wife to her people knows that the both families will not agree to that sort of development between their children, whose parent are still living together.
Imagine a situation whereby it is impossible to remove your marriage ring from your finger, that means for as many men as a woman is married and divorce to, will easily be known, marriage is a respectful commitment ordained by god himself and as such it should be respected, in case people are not aware it is a sin to divorce your partner, you should know that if your partner is not the way he/she is, one of you will not value the other, a couple that divorces each other is a dishonest person, because before they got married they both agreed before God and man that they will be there for each other, for better and worse, its not just a word, this is one of the reason Africa will never have the problem of divorce because it takes a lot before a man can be joined with a woman, and a average Africa man does not want to see himself divorcing his wife, due to the amount of money he spent on marrying her, he first carries her to her parents, so he would go back and get her when he is calm.
People really need to understand that marriage is a life time contract between a man and a woman, and in an ordinary contract the second party can pull out, if he/she wills, but in a marriage contract it is sealed for ever till one party is dead, that’s what life commitment entails, it just so unfortunate that many people getting into marriage these days do not understand this terms and conditions, that’s why may couples will never fine happiness if they are engaging in the business of divorcing their partners, because whatever the reason is that makes two couples decide to separate is their challenge, which they must over come to have a successful marriage and stay married. So do not run from your challenges stay and fight, stay and stay married, marriage is not a bed of roses, you can never know all about your partner, we discover different things about people everyday, so don’t get discourage by what you are seeing in him/her today, make the best out of that situation and he/she will value you. Staying married is living in another world, away from the outside world.
Friday, August 7, 2009
WHY SINGLES LADIES FIND IT HARD TO GET MARRIED THESE DAYS?
WHY SINGLES LADIES FIND IT HARD TO GET MARRIED THESE DAYS?
When a woman is young and beautiful, she’s said to be the choice maker, but when she’s growing older the right to those choices are gone, it is obvious that most ladies today are looking for successful men and few happen to fine, but must it be this way? Just like we were all born into the same world, lucky and some unlucky, it is nature. If every thing in life was to come without a struggle, then we won’t learn to appreciate the value of that thing regardless of its nature. Many ladies are always carried away with the thought of looking for the best, than think of looking for that one to bring out the best in him, that’s when a woman can truly call a man her own, because she was there with him and for him, many of this characters are found more in Africa, and much more countries round the world.
Everything in life has stages and time, every woman takes pride when she’s young and her beauty is priceless, in her youthful days she out for fun and just being selective, as the years grows on and on and she can’t honestly say to her self, I have a man that will or is likely to marry me, she began to get frustrated about being single, at this point she’s less selective but more vigilant, that’s when regrets start coming in, she will sit and think to herself and recall all those men she has turn down in the past, some of which really meant well but due to their circumstance they were rejected, ladies needs to be careful at the way they reject men, so they won’t be rejected too, the clock always turns you know….the pride of a woman is to hear the cry of her baby and to get up in the morning realizing that she’s married to a man she can boldly say this is my man, it involves hard work and endurance to see this come true, it shouldn’t matter if the man has money or not, or if the man looks hash or ugly. The truth is that you can’t really know what should matter until you get to know the person, must men might have the face of a lion but the heart of an angel, if you get to know the person even if its for two weeks of conversations and you still feel you are not going to be happen with him, then you can search further, what will you as a lady do, if you should meet a man who is not all you need physically but 100% of who you would love to spent the rest of the life with, what will matter the most to you, will it be the face or the heart, there will be a time in your life as a lady when you will have no choice but to want to marry just any man that comes your way, even the one you once had doubt for, because he had half of what you desired.
A single and aging woman is a desperate woman and every man is aware of ladies that are desperate and are always ready to take advantage of such ladies, that’s when ladies will be willing to do just anything to satisfy that man, just to try and keep him coming to them, just hoping he would one day want to settle with them even though the man might be treating them badly, they wouldn’t mind, but it wouldn’t have been that way, there’s a reward for every hard work in whatever circumstance it is applied, ladies need to understand that marriage is a life time commitment between a man and a woman, and until a man fines the lady he plans of marrying, worthy of a place in his life forever which just doesn’t come easily.
WHY MEN DO NOT MARRY SINGLE LADIES OF THEIR AGE?
WHY MEN DO NOT MARRY SINGLE LADIES OF THEIR AGE?
Most men believe that the younger the sweeter, well is this fact true many will ask? It is true that when a woman is young and beautiful, she’s at the right to make choices for herself, but as time passes she began to age, and that’s when a man takes over in making the choice for her, a man once told me that, when a man is young and still struggling that he rarely fines a lady that will want to be involve with him, so when ever the rain of success decides to visit this man and everything starts to work for him, he decides to turn and search for the younger once, those he believe haven’t seen much about life, while on a second interview another man said that marrying younger ladies is an investment, that has a greater return, well he didn’t quit explain what return that is. Anyway all ladies need to understand that there’s much respect and value in a relationship when a man sees a lady as his rock, a solid support when he was a nobody, even though a man wasn’t planning on marrying that particular lady, but when such characters are seen in a relationship that doesn’t look promising, such a man will think to himself that this lady is building lots of confidence in him and he wouldn’t want to fail her, so you see that you are not only helping yourself but also bringing out the best in him.
A lady has to ask her self some questions first before she rejects a man that walks up to her because of his present or physical circumstance, because most ladies are quick to judge a person base on what they see and access on just looking at him, a lady needs to understand that some men are made because of the kind of woman they are involve with, while others are just lucky as life would have it, ladies need to understand that some men are waiting for them to come into their life’s and create that atmosphere for success, so ladies if you have seen a man or had a man that you think you life but wondering about his present circumstance, if or not it will improve later, you must have it in mind that, that man needs your presence to make him what you want to see in that dream man that you are looking for, than reject him when he walks up to you, because when a man is rejected by a lady, it just doesn’t hurt physically but emotionally too, many reasons starts running through the man’s mind lots of negative things he didn’t notice about himself starts to show up and become a reality to him, while others might just want to accept that they’re being rejected because they do not have money. A man that feels this way or that has been rejected before will want to look for the best among the rest as the ladies did when they had the chance to choose; presently in the world today ladies are engaging in this attitude towards young men walking up to them regardless of the fact that most men had to really put all their confidence together to walk up to that gorgeous lady.
Every lady needs to understand that it is a blessing in discards to have a man who they consider to be a nobody when they met him, because that’s when you can be fully convinced that you have a huge place in his heart and life, a man will respect his wife or lady more when he looks back and sees where you guys have come from and where you are presently, every man who is trying to build a life and has been struggling for years without good returns, finally meets a lady and she seems not to care if he’s rich or not, and instead of accessing him negatively, she access him positively by seeing the feature and prospects, and his effort towards wanting to get better life, it is true that two heads are better than one, when a man and a woman join minds together great things happen, so ladies start making your dream man out of that man that is on your neck, don’t look at today, always remember nothing good comes easy, and all fingers are not equal.
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